| HOME | RANKINGS | SCORES | RULES | RECORDS | ARCHIVES | SUBMIT YOUR TEAM |
Welcome to the world's most dangerous Improv show, where two mighty teams of gladiators will take the stage to prove who is the best of the best. This is not an exhibition. This is a no-holds-barred competition. The audience determines the winner each week via secret ballot. The winner returns the following week to defend their title against a new challenger. Thursday's at 10:00 pm
|
| HOOPTY Hits Hoop, Sinks Shot, Scoots to Semis January 15, 2026 |
| Webster's Dictionary defines winning as "the act or event of taking victory in a contest." After rigorous examination, we here at CAGE MATCH HQ can confirm that is exactly what HOOPTY did in their battle with HELL YEAH! HELL YEAH!, despite their strong musical flourishes and idiosyncratic iambic pentameter, could do little to overcome the hilarious hijinx of HOOPTY. HOOPTY will be the third team to enter the semifinals of the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS. Who will be the fourth and final team to be assigned that allotment of awe? Come to the final round of the quarterfinals to find out! (dictated but not read) |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| THE WORKING GROUP Gets a Promotion, Moves on to Semis January 9, 2026 |
| Some people are known to work a room, but a WHOLE GROUP? Forgive us, dear reader, while we comedically spit out our beverage in disbelief. But on a grim winter's eve in a theater at the heart of the capital of the world, all manner of scientific propositions were put packing, a rapt audience of cage-a-maniacal onlookers bore witness to not one but THREE simultaneous shooting stars. Loyal reader, you've probably gotten ahead of us: THE WORKING GROUP took the win against former house team DAY TRIP. DAY TRIP, a talented group of scrappy imrpov ingenues, dazzled from debut to denouement but they were ultimately TRIPPED up by the GROUP effort. If you missed it, we hope you kissed it, cage-a-maniacs. But fret not! We're only halfway though the QUARTERFINALS and there is plenty more excitement to be had. We'll see you there! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| GO DUMMY! Advances to Semis in Staggering Single-Vote Stunner December 12, 2025 |
| America’s elder electrician once said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” The high-tension hijinx of Cage Match has taught us a powerful third lesson: “In the Tetragon, ANYTHING can happen!” Don’t believe us? Take a gander at the FIRST ROUND of the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS, where two sensational sets were the subject of debate. The teams? Two-prov titans STEPHEN AND PATRICK and indie darlings GO DUMMY! The result: after forty-eight minutes of unmitigated comedy gold, GO DUMMY! took the win and will be one of only four teams to advance to the semi-finals. The twist? It all came down to a single vote. That’s right, loyal Cage-a-Maniacs, YOU could have been the one to decide first round of the quarterfinals! There’s only one more quarterfinal match this year before we open the stage to beloved benefactor Saint Nicholas and feared phantom Krampus. That’s two shows you won’t want to miss--WE’LL SEE YOU IN THE ARENA!!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| SCUBSY Scuttles HAPPY TO BE HERE’s Highness Hopes November 23, 2025 |
| Like a shooting star that is suddenly overshadowed by a solar eclipse, the COSMIC BALLET of the TERTRAGON is known for its unexpected and spontaneous choreography. This inescapable fact was never more evident than it was on Thursday, when untamable upstarts HAPPY TO BE HERE went head-to-head with indie sensation SCUBSY. Let us reify our arithmetic, loyal Cage-a-Maniacs: the incumbents? HAPPY TO BE HERE, a freshly formed confederation, hot to trot and hoping to front Cage Match’s twenty-fifth season. Their competition? SCUBSY, famous in their far off fatherland of France, who have hither swept the sweet shores of our saluted States with their hilarious hijinx. The result? HAPPY TO BE HERE was decidedly UNHAPPY to have their dynastic aspirations asphyxiated by the mononymous make-em-up megalith of SCUBSY. HAPPY TO BE HERE, we were happy to have had you. And SCUBSY, we salute you and eagerly await your match next year’s season opener. But for now, all eyes are on the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS! We don’t have to tell you where to be on be DECEMBER 4th--WE’LL JUST SEE YOU THERE!!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| HAPPY TO BE HERE Happily Destroys DUCHOVNY November 20, 2025 |
| CAGE-A-MANIACS near and far know that in the TETRAGON that there are upsets and there are UPSETS. DUCHOVNY, the UCB improv super-group and winners of last year’s CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS, were considered by many of the city’s FINER BOOKMAKERS to be a shoo-in for the CONTEST. Yes, friends, there was safe-money to be had betting on DUCHOVNY to be a dizzying dark horse. And dig the DISSENTERS: a HAYWIRE HIVE of performers new and old, coming to the stage not just as a NEW TEAM but as a new team performing in their FIRST SHOW. Their name? HAPPY TO BE HERE. Their aim? TOTAL VICTORY AT ANY COST. Truly friends, it was a CLASH FOR THE AGES featuring teams with style as different as FIRE AND ICE. But when the melee mitigated, the halogens haloed on only one team. Yes, CAGE-A-MANIACS, history was made, because HAPPY TO BE HERE stormed the stage and won not just the evening, but also the hearts and minds of the stunned crowd who sat at gobsmacked attention. Let us not be misunderstood, CAGE-A-MANIACS, both teams put up an epic showing--but like the GOOD BOOK tells, there is a quarter IN THE CAGE. DUCHOVNY die-hards, fret not! We don’t though this is the last time the toes of this talented team will tickle the tiles of the TETRAGON. And HAPPY TO BE HERE heads? Come back next week to see if these INGENIOUS INGENUES will be the season openers next year--of if HAPPY TO BE HERE will just be happy to HAVE BEEN there. Buckle up, CAGE-A-MANIACS, we’ve only one show left before we dive headfirst into the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS. We’ll see you ringside!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| DUCHOVNY Undoes DAY TRIP with Tense Triple-Vote November 8, 2025 |
| CAGE-A-MANIACS, you know well that just like the mighty Columbia River, every run must eventually come to a conclusion--but in the tough terrain of the TETRAGON, that terminus is not an ocean but rather an organization! And, last night, in the harsh haze of the halogens, that organization was but a single surname: DUCHOVNY. DAY TRIP, whose CAGE MATCH CROSSING was closer to sixteen quarters than a single serving of 86,400 seconds, had their run ended be a mere three votes! CAGE-A-MANIACS, let this enforce an essential element of your education: EVERY VOTE COUNTS AND EVERY VOTE WILL BE COUNTED! That's a CAGE MATCH PROMISE you can take all the way to the U-C-BANK! DAY TRIP will return in the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS, where their FANTASTIC FOUR WINS have netted them the coveted FOURTH SEED--but anyone who knows this lovable Lloyd team, knows well that they won't be happy with anything but FIRST PLACE! DAY TRIP fans, you'll have your moment when the CONTEST COMMENCES! And DUCHOVNY DEVOTEES: those ADORABLE SPECIAL AGENTS are not in the CONTEST yet, but you can make it happen by VOICING YOUR VOTES! Where to do that? CAGE-A-MANIACS, why make me rack up the word count? You know WHAT to wear, WHEN to wear it, and WHERE to be--and we'll be THERE waiting!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| DAY TRIP Takes Day, Trips Up THE WORKING GROUP October 16, 2025 |
| Like a might rogue wave roaring across the uncharted waters of the farthest corners of the ocean, DAY TRIP managed to rise up and capsize THE WORKING GROUP, ending their chance to have a guaranteed shoot of the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS. As many densely plotted books have taught us, life is full of surprises, and ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IN A CAGE MATCH. DAY TRIP's next stop? A showdown with fellow UCB house KISS KISS. Will KISS KISS "kiss me love" or will DAY TRIP "make them find out." CAGE-A-MANIACS, you know there is only one way to find out the answer to this enduring enigma--we'll see you in the TETRAGON!!!!!!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| THE WORKING GROUP Cans SPAGHETTI's Sixth Win, Second Place Hopes September 26, 2025 |
| For six weeks, SPAGHETTI, formerly a house team on the illustrious MAGNET THEATER stage, dominated the CAGE MATCH TETRAGON with their wild mix of wild ribald and rugged realism. But, as all loyal CAGE-A-MANIACS know, the COSMIC PASTAIOLO can only prepare a dish for so long before it is powdered with parmesan, plated, and served HOT AND HOSPITALIANIO at the long table of destiny. Last night, amid the gasps and guffaws of a SOLD-OUT house of 163,000, SPAGHETTI was finally eaten and beaten by the precise teamwork of THREEPROV TITANS, THE WORKING GROUP. The GROUP, named for the fact that these three intrepid improvisers met when randomly paired up for an office ice-breaker game of CHARADES, fired on all cylinders with a set rife with gripping A LA MODE ORATIONS and graphic ONSTAGE ORAL SEX. These are make-em-up moves you can't learn from a manual, friends—the only way to see 'prov of this prodigious pedigree is UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL in the CAGE MATCH TETRAGON. And, to add the allegorical cherry to an already INDOMITABLE ICE CREAM SUNDAE, a representative straight from CAGEMATCH: LOS ANGELES and servant of QUEEN TITI herself, MATT VISCONAGE, made a guest appearance to offer the kind of unique insight you can only get on the fairer coast. Yes, loyal Cage-a-Manics, East finally met West and CROSSOVERS AND CLASHES were the order of the evening last night. But as one Dr. Osterman taught us almost thirty-eight years ago to the day, "Nothing ever ends," and inquiring ingénues are all asking the big question: is THE WORKING GROUP working their way to a multi-win run? Or will the GROUP be worked over next week by the tropical two-step of MANGO TANGO? Cage-a-Maniacs, I don't have to tell you there is only one way to find out—SEE YOU IN THE TETRAGON THIS THURSDAY!!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| SPAGHETTI Sticks Around, Kicks Out MICHAEL & JUSTIN August 23, 2025 |
| Life can be a marathon, life can be a sprint, but this past Thursday, life in the TETRAGON proved itself to be a RELAY RACE as MICHAEL & JUSTIN became the second team in a row to have budding run NIPPED before it could fully bloom. SPAGHETTI, hitherto promoted as the preeminent pasta-persuaded team of the Magnet Theater, TOOK DOWN reigning champs, the terrific twoprov titans MICHAEL & JUSTIN. It was two against four in the TETRAGON, Cage-a-Maniacs, but both teams gave an INCALCULABLE number of laughs to the audience. Will SPAGHETTI buck the recent trend and snag a SECOND WIN next week? Or will the stinging snips of Atropos cut short yet another streak? Loyal Cage-a-Maniacs, you KNOW there’s only one way to find out! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| view the archives |
Cage-Match.com
| ||||||||||||||