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Welcome to the world's most dangerous Improv show, where two mighty teams of gladiators will take the stage to prove who is the best of the best. This is not an exhibition. This is a no-holds-barred competition. The audience determines the winner each week via secret ballot. The winner returns the following week to defend their title against a new challenger. Thursday's at 10:00 pm
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| MERCY SANTOS is Sans Mercy, Halts HOT FM's Dreams of Double Digits June 22, 2026 |
| We'll never know what the first HOMO SAPIEN SAPIEN (no, we didn't double-dip on the dictograph there--dig up a dictionary and scope the science for yourself!) thought when they saw a sunset for the first time--but we can only imagine that the GLORY AND WONDER memorialized in that moment paled in comparison to the AWE AND GRANDEUR glimpsed in the TEATRAGON last Thursday night. There, beneath the SANGUINIZED SCRUTINY of the spectators, this season's longest run ran out. HOT FM, this season's FRONTRUNNERS, have been giving out GRADE-A GUFFAWS for a grand total of ten--count 'em, TEN, Cage-a-maniacs!--weeks now. But like the proverbial flame following the waxy wick to the silver stick, ALL FIRE LEADS TO SMOKE! And like a MIRROR UNIVERSE PROMETHEUS, God sent a pentagon of pilgrims to steal that flame. In plain English? The five-hander improv wunderkind troupe MERCY SANTOS swept the stage, kicked up clouds of yucks, and, when the dust settled, it was MERCY SANTOS that stood victorious! HOT FM may be tuned out, but methinks we'll be seeing them at the end of the year in the CAGE MATCH CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS! Will they still be in the lead at first seed? Cage-a-Maniacs, don't make me prophesize! Snag those tix and find out yourselves! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| TEAM NEW YORK Nails Marathon Mash-Up Match June 22, 2026 |
| CAGE-A-MANIACS, truly it was one for the record books! TEAM NEW YORK, a highly skilled one-off mash-up team made up of some of the MIGHTIEST MAESTROS of make-em-ups this side of the island of MANHATTAN, took a win against their Wario-like West Coast counterparts, TEAM LOS ANGELES, at this year’s DEL CLOSE MARATHON. Specials guests included the Queen Bee of LA herself, TITI, and CAGE MATCH CREATOR and TIMEPIECE NAMESAKE, KEVIN MULLANEY. As the visiting team, TEAM LA opened the match and, believe you me, CAGE-A-MANIAC, it was a staggering competition from the get-go! Fans from the de facto California capital must have heaved many a heavily-relieved haha upon seeing the HILARIOUS and OPERATIC opening salvos of TEAM LA. But, like the proverb about the mathematical farmer and the prenatal chickens teaches us, IT AIN’T OVER TIL IT’S OVER. And, brother, it was far from over: TEAM NY took the stage and, ultimately, took the victory as well. Hats off to both teams for their SENSATIONAL SHOWINGS. They brought honor to their cities, to the fair sport of improvisation, and, most of all, to the SPIRIT OF DEAR OLD DEL! The haunting visage that rules over New York City, MALACHI THE NAMELESS, was not seen to be in attendance--but rest assured, humble Cage-a-maniacs: SHE KNOWS ALL AND SEES ALL!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| GATOR Gutted by HOT FM April 10, 2026 |
| According to the FCC, there has been more than two billion minutes of audio broadcast over the airwaves in the past century--but the ONLY MINUTES THAT MATTER are the 23 minutes used by hometown Harold hotshots HOT FM to take the championship title this past Thursday. HOT FM went mano-a-mano with fellow Harold team CLUB GATOR, who, LOYAL CAGE-A-MANIACS know, took the title from YET ANOTHER Harold team, BRUV, last week. Tired of subclauses? WELL FEAR NOT, WE JUST HIRED AN EDITOR! That’s right--starting today, the CAGE MATCH NEWS will never use another comma! If you spot anymore commas in our reporting, please print out the page and bring it to the TETRAGON to CLAIM YOUR FABULOUS PRIZE! HOT FM will return next week to take on GRANNY FULLY LOADED. We beg you, CAGE-A-MANIACS, do not Google GRANNY FULLY LOADED. Just come to the show and bring your appetite for delight. Or SOMETHING! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| BRUV Clubbed Greatly By CLUB GATOR April 7, 2026 |
| FACT: “run” is the word with most definitions in the dictionary. ANOTHER FACT: all runs have a beginning and an end. ONE LAST FACT: BRUV’s historic run, the first multi-win run of the season, ended this past Thursday after an eye-watering five--count ‘em FIVE--wins! Their downfall come at the hands of a group near and dear to their own hearts: another house team, UCB’s own CLUB GATOR. Hopefully all the bad blood was left on the slightly sticky surface of the TETRAGON and the members of both teams can go back to being friends. But if not, BRUV is guaranteed to be in the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS at the end of the year. If CLUB GATOR can rack up a couple more wins, we just might have the makings of a GRUDGE MATCH!! Will CLUB GATOR take the win THIS THURSDAY against aspiring DJs HOT FM, or will we have to “see them later”? There’s only one way to find out! We’ll see you there, LOYAL CAGE-A-MANIACS!!!!!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| BRUV Begins Bodacious Bankrun March 10, 2026 |
| Tragedy is a matter of MAGNITUDE, the scholars say unto us--and while the mysterious misplacement of last week’s blog post pales when put to the loss of the Library of Alexandria, it’s ENIGMATIC ERASURE evokes an eerie economy of emotions. Is there a dastardly evildoer BULLDOZING OUR TREASURED TREATISES? Or has that apothegm of Ecclesiastes been evermore entrenched: “TIME AND CHANCE HAPPENETH TO US ALL”? Whatever the case may be, LOYAL CAGE-A-MANIACS, know this particular ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE relates more to ROKO’S BASILISK than SMARTERCHILD. But with that MESSY MISSIVE behind us, let us repair to the ROUND REPORTING and bear with us as BRUV’s DOMINATION has DOUBLED! That’s right, we’re one lunar cycle in and BRUV has become the first team to take a second success. GLORIOUS GAMBLERS, how do you forecast the future fallout for the coming match? Will BRUV bloom or will TIPTOE take the title? If I’ve said it once, you can put DOLLARS TO DONUTS I’ve said it a baker’s dozen times: THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT! We’ll catch you ringside! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| UNCLE TOUGH Torches SCUBSY February 27, 2026 |
| The champagne and chintz of SCUBSY's season-opening sensation was scuttled this past Thursday by the galloping guffaws granted by UNCLE TOUGH! UNCLE TOUGH, a currently active UCB Lloyd team, took the spotlight not just with their DARINGDO and DYNAMITE DYNAMISM but also with their OPENING STATEMENT, which set the record for shortest ever in the 6,000+ year history of CAGE MATCH. With a single word, UNCLE TOUGH began a yammering of yucks that yeeted SCUBSY from the CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE. Will UNCLE TOUGH be the first team to snag a second win? There's only one way to find out, loyal CAGE-A-MANIACS! WE'LL SEE YOU RINGSIDE!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| SCUBSY Stuns in Season Starter February 19, 2026 |
| There is a lunar new year superstition: do not clean on the new year, or else you may well clean up all of your good luck for the year. Let us hope this is not true, LOYAL CAGE-A-MANIACS, as SCUBSY cleaned house this past Thursday, under the shining light of not one BUT TWO NEW YEARS. Will the Year of the Horse also be the Year of SCUBSY? Or did SCUBSY sweep out of their good fortune with their precise SWEEP EDITING? Cage-a-Maniacs, there is only one way find out! We'll see you on Thursday, RINGSIDE AND SLIGHTLY DRUNK! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| Congratulations to GO DUMMY! February 6, 2026 |
| Congratulations to GO DUMMY! for winning the 2025 CAGE MATCH CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS! GO DUMMY! outscored HOOPTY, giving them their first Championship. The team cut down the net in their "One Shining Moment" and enjoyed room temperature Nachos BellGrande® in front of a sold out house of delighted CAGE-A-MANIACS. Both teams had great shows and we all set a new attendance record of 163,001. What a night! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| HOOPTY Hits, Hops into Finals February 6, 2026 |
| In the dazzling lights of the TETRAGON, the final round of the SEMIFINALS in the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS came to a dizzying conclusion, when indie supergroup HOOPTY snagged a sublime sublimation on SPAGHETTI, the darlings of the Magnet Theater stage. Yes, CAGE-A-MANIACS, as the old song tells us, truly WE WERE FAMILY that night as both teams brought ladlefulls of laughs and spoons of snickers. But when the check came, it was HOOPTY who cashed it and SPAGHETTI who was cashed out. HOOPTY will go up against another indie sensation, GO DUMMY!, next week. It'll be indie on indie action--but only one will be crowned the winner. Who will it be? WE'LL SEE YOU IN THE ARENA! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
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