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Welcome to the world's most dangerous Improv show, where two mighty teams of gladiators will take the stage to prove who is the best of the best. This is not an exhibition. This is a no-holds-barred competition. The audience determines the winner each week via secret ballot. The winner returns the following week to defend their title against a new challenger. Thursday's at 10:00 pm
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| UNCLE TOUGH Torches SCUBSY February 27, 2026 |
| The champagne and chintz of SCUBSY's season-opening sensation was scuttled this past Thursday by the galloping guffaws granted by UNCLE TOUGH! UNCLE TOUGH, a currently active UCB Lloyd team, took the spotlight not just with their DARINGDO and DYNAMITE DYNAMISM but also with their OPENING STATEMENT, which set the record for shortest ever in the 6,000+ year history of CAGE MATCH. With a single word, UNCLE TOUGH began a yammering of yucks that yeeted SCUBSY from the CHAMPIONSHIP TITLE. Will UNCLE TOUGH be the first team to snag a second win? There's only one way to find out, loyal CAGE-A-MANIACS! WE'LL SEE YOU RINGSIDE!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| SCUBSY Stuns in Season Opener February 19, 2026 |
| There is a lunar new year superstition: do not clean on the new year, or else you may well clean up all of your good luck for the year. Let us hope this is not true, LOYAL CAGE-A-MANIACS, as SCUBSY cleaned house this past Thursday, under the shining light of not one BUT TWO NEW YEARS. Will the Year of the Horse also be the Year of SCUBSY? Or did SCUBSY sweep out of their good fortune with their precise SWEEP EDITING? Cage-a-Maniacs, there is only one way find out! We'll see you on Thursday, RINGSIDE AND SLIGHTLY DRUNK! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| Congratulations to GO DUMMY! February 6, 2026 |
| Congratulations to GO DUMMY! for winning the 2025 CAGE MATCH CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS! GO DUMMY! outscored HOOPTY, giving them their first Championship. The team cut down the net in their "One Shining Moment" and enjoyed room temperature Nachos BellGrande® in front of a sold out house of delighted CAGE-A-MANIACS. Both teams had great shows and we all set a new attendance record of 163,001. What a night! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| HOOPTY Hits, Hops into Finals February 6, 2026 |
| In the dazzling lights of the TETRAGON, the final round of the SEMIFINALS in the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS came to a dizzying conclusion, when indie supergroup HOOPTY snagged a sublime sublimation on SPAGHETTI, the darlings of the Magnet Theater stage. Yes, CAGE-A-MANIACS, as the old song tells us, truly WE WERE FAMILY that night as both teams brought ladlefulls of laughs and spoons of snickers. But when the check came, it was HOOPTY who cashed it and SPAGHETTI who was cashed out. HOOPTY will go up against another indie sensation, GO DUMMY!, next week. It'll be indie on indie action--but only one will be crowned the winner. Who will it be? WE'LL SEE YOU IN THE ARENA! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| GO DUMMY! Goes to the Finals January 26, 2026 |
| Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A... there are many ways to go, but last THURSDAY, the way the UCB audience went was DUMMY! If our copy was too cryptic, leave us to be more concise: GO DUMMY! took the win in the first round of the SEMIFINALS and will be competing in the FINAL ROUND of the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS! But it was a hard won victory, as the titanic trio of THE WORKING GROUP put on a great show. When the laughter faded and the lights came, the audience was decidedly split in their choice and it all came down to a single vote. For anyone keeping track--and, CAGE-A-MANIACS, believe when we tell that we wouldn't hold it against you if you you're not one of those people (in fact, no one actually reads our little column here)--this marks the SECOND TIME IN THIS VERY CONTEST where a team has nearly eked by a single vote. That other team? Friends, would you believe it was once again GO DUMMY!? Yes, it seems this team has a particular panache for perilous palms. CAGE-A-MANIACS, the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS is shaping up to a superb spectacle. We'll see you ringside!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| SPAGHETTI Scampers to Semis January 26, 2026 |
| House teams to the left, house team to the right, it was house teams all around last Thursday when TWO HERALDS of the improv stage when toe-to-toe beneath the CAGE MATCH LIGHTS. THE PROPHECY, one of UCB's HOMETOWN HAROLD TEAMS, went up against SPAGEHTTI, shining star of the MAGNET THEATER's MEGAWATT! The technicalities of the tectonic territorial tensions twixt the two theaters is a topic for a thereafter time--all you need to know now is THE HEAT WAS ON and, as nonnas all across Italy have taught us, the only way to make SPAGHETTI is with the HEAT ON HIGH! Yes, Cage-a-Maciacs, SPAGHETTI took the win and will be the last team to join the FINAL FOUR in the SEMIFINALS. Our knuckles are paling just thinking about it! WE'LL SEE YOU IN THE TETRAGON! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| HOOPTY Hits Hoop, Sinks Shot, Scoots to Semis January 15, 2026 |
| Webster's Dictionary defines winning as "the act or event of taking victory in a contest." After rigorous examination, we here at CAGE MATCH HQ can confirm that is exactly what HOOPTY did in their battle with HELL YEAH! HELL YEAH!, despite their strong musical flourishes and idiosyncratic iambic pentameter, could do little to overcome the hilarious hijinx of HOOPTY. HOOPTY will be the third team to enter the semifinals of the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS. Who will be the fourth and final team to be assigned that allotment of awe? Come to the final round of the quarterfinals to find out! (dictated but not read) |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| THE WORKING GROUP Gets a Promotion, Moves on to Semis January 9, 2026 |
| Some people are known to work a room, but a WHOLE GROUP? Forgive us, dear reader, while we comedically spit out our beverage in disbelief. But on a grim winter's eve in a theater at the heart of the capital of the world, all manner of scientific propositions were put packing, a rapt audience of cage-a-maniacal onlookers bore witness to not one but THREE simultaneous shooting stars. Loyal reader, you've probably gotten ahead of us: THE WORKING GROUP took the win against former house team DAY TRIP. DAY TRIP, a talented group of scrappy imrpov ingenues, dazzled from debut to denouement but they were ultimately TRIPPED up by the GROUP effort. If you missed it, we hope you kissed it, cage-a-maniacs. But fret not! We're only halfway though the QUARTERFINALS and there is plenty more excitement to be had. We'll see you there! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
| GO DUMMY! Advances to Semis in Staggering Single-Vote Stunner December 12, 2025 |
| America’s elder electrician once said, "In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” The high-tension hijinx of Cage Match has taught us a powerful third lesson: “In the Tetragon, ANYTHING can happen!” Don’t believe us? Take a gander at the FIRST ROUND of the CONTEST OF CHAMPIONS, where two sensational sets were the subject of debate. The teams? Two-prov titans STEPHEN AND PATRICK and indie darlings GO DUMMY! The result: after forty-eight minutes of unmitigated comedy gold, GO DUMMY! took the win and will be one of only four teams to advance to the semi-finals. The twist? It all came down to a single vote. That’s right, loyal Cage-a-Maniacs, YOU could have been the one to decide first round of the quarterfinals! There’s only one more quarterfinal match this year before we open the stage to beloved benefactor Saint Nicholas and feared phantom Krampus. That’s two shows you won’t want to miss--WE’LL SEE YOU IN THE ARENA!!! |
| Posted by K.I.N.G. link |
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